Mornings

Mornings are hard for me. I guess some people enjoy mornings because of the possibilities of a new day, the hope for things to be better/different than yesterday, the new mercy God has for them that day. I wish I could think about those things. God, I want to think about those things! Instead I wake reluctantly, angrily after fitful sleep. Emma presents me with a list of demands. The dishes in the sink glare at me and remind me that I am not enough, that I will never really be able to complete all the tasks, do all the things, be all the things. Even my stomach yells at me to feed it. And the day starts with yesterday's leftovers instead of today's warm beginnings. I feel disgusted. Can I just go back to sleep? I like the light. Maybe I could sleep better in the day time. Maybe the darkness and the fear and the worry wouldn't creep into my dreams in the day. The light beats back the darkness, right?

I don't know anything, not even a sliver of the future. My life feels like a circus juggling act. Which piece of my life is up in the air today? Oh, all of them. Cool. I really do want to trust God. I promise I really do want to lean in and listen to what he has to say. I want to be in on what he's doing. I feel left out, though, like God has plans and things he's working on in/for my life but I'm not entirely sure what or how or why or for how long. In the meantime mornings haunt me and my security blanket (Dan) has gone to work and I am left to fight alone.

Things I need to remember this morning:

I am not alone.
Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV)
The Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.

God is strong and he makes me strong.
Romans 16:25 (MSG)
All of our praise rises to the One who is strong enough to make you strong, exactly as preached in Christ Jesus...

Jesus is light and darkness cannot win.
John 1:3-5 (MSG)
Everything was created through him; nothing—not one thing!—came into being without him. What came into existence was Life, and the Life was Light to live by. The Life-Light blazed out of the darkness; the darkness couldn’t put it out.

God knows what he's doing.
Jeremiah 29:11-14 (MSG)
I know what I am doing. I have it all planned out- plans to take care of you, not to abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. When you come looking for me, you'll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed.

Jesus picked me and I am his friend, focus of his love.
John 15:15-17 (NIV)
I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You didn't not choose me, remember, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit- fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other. 

Ephesians 1:4 (MSG)
Long before he laid down the earth's foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love.

I love that whole and holy part. I want to be whole more than anything. I want to get better.

What do you need help remembering this morning?