Sometimes the community drought is too much. I hate it. All my favorite healthy people tell me that life is better lived in community, in sharing our stories and being vulnerable, in authenticity and understanding (look them up: Brené Brown, Bob Goff, Shauna Niequist, Donald Miller, Judah Smith). That resonates with something old and deep and true in me. I think God put it there. He made me to know and to be known- I think he made all of us that way. So why the hell can't we get on board with that? It's so frustrating. I bring me, all of me, into relationships. People matter. We are the only things that are eternal. The weight of that understanding guides me in relationships. That's why I'm all in. Because you matter and our time together here has consequences for eternity.
Dan and I have done a lot of restructuring in our lives to make time for what we think is most important. You want to know what's most important to us? It's the big two: loving God and loving people (Matthew 22:37-40). We leave early mornings open for time to pray and read. We leave evenings open for time with friends. We leave weekends open for time together, just the three of us. Of course sometimes other things creep in and we don't get to stick to our time margins for the week, but overall we establish boundaries and protect them.
You know what a lot of people we love say when we invite them over or ask to get together throughout the week? That they have a lot going on, things are really busy, they'll get back to us when things are less busy. I get that. Sometimes I have full weeks too. You're busy. You're doing things, going places, accomplishing goals. There's nothing inherently wrong with any of those things. But I think we can potentially be busy for all our days, weeks, months, years here on earth. We could spend all the time we have working hard for all the things, making the kind of impact we think we should, accomplishing all the tasks, achieving great status. All those things are about doing. I think it's so hard for me because I'm learning an important lesson right now- the "be" over "do" lesson. I don't have to be anything or anyone other than me. God made me to be forever with Him. He loves me always, no matter what. There's nothing I can do to make him love me more or less. Now, I'm not saying that because this is the thing I'm learning that everyone else wrong and I'm Mary, you're Martha (Luke 10:38-42) and you're not living your life right and I'm better than you. That's not it at all. I'm just mourning the loss of what could have been- the connection, the understanding, the embrace, the increased knowledge of God that comes from life lived together. I hate being apart. It's not self-induced and it's not for my lack of trying, but this community drought sucks.
Stay tuned for Part II. I think God made me passionate about community because he wants me to be part of redeeming it. What am I good at? What do I really love? Being a friend. I'm wired for it. I'll let you know what happens next. Thanks for learning with me. It's a slow process, but I'm getting better.
Love,
Leah
