It sneaks up on you, though- time. It's like a fat house-cat lurking around dark corners and hiding behind fat house-ferns/palms, only catching a glimpse of that elusive animal as it races by with a catnip toy. You're not even fully aware of what's happening and then you try to play the scene over and over again in your mind so you can hold onto it for just a moment. It's pretty enjoyable to watch a fat cat run, after all. Seriously, though, it's important to pause and remember where you've been. If it's painful or traumatic, don't stay for too long, but acknowledge that it happened. Tip your hat to where you've been, rise again, and move forward. I think that if we never take stock of where we've been, we'll find ourselves there again. I hate that. I feel like I find myself in the same forests, lost in the same trees and heavy fog. I can't ever get a handle on who I want to be and where I want to go so I end up wandering. This October, with Dan's help, I'm taking time to say goodbye to the past and making some plans for the future. Who do I want to be? What do I want to have accomplished in God's ultimate plan to save many lives? What can I contribute?
These are serious questions, but they're no 10-year plan. I don't believe in that. Donald Miller in Storyline talks about how God's will for our lives is the same as it was for Joseph when he was thrown in a pit and sold into slavery in Egypt- to save many lives. I want to get in on that, not the pit part but the saving many lives part. In light of that I want to be a woman who loves deeply, who takes time to be kind, compassionate, and true. I want to enjoy my life and the people in it, breathing them in deep no matter my circumstances or the duration of our relationship. I want to be all in. I want to travel, go on adventures with Dan, be reminded of God's love for me by drinking in the natural world. I want to get my hands dirty rescuing slaves, widows, orphans, the poor. I want to be a really good friend, wife, mom. I want to encourage Emma to open her eyes in wonder and belief in God so her life will be filled with light (Matthew 6:22-23 MSG). I want to adopt kids from here and all over the world, just like God adopted us.
This October I feel hopeful. I know I'm approaching 30. Every year that passes reminds me that I will not refer to myself as "young" for much longer. But the things that God works out in our lives take time, often many more years than we would like. I know a little about that. But as I examine my false starts and failures to launch, I remember that God is mostly concerned about my character. He's refining me and making me more like him so that I may resemble him, so that people will be drawn to him by the story he tells with my life. Maybe you feel like I often do, like my life is a collection of setbacks. But God has given us some materials and a hell of creative license. Let's make something beautiful with the mess.
Love,
Leah
I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
Psalm 27:13-14 NIV
